Looking Out a Window

Peering out the window and seeing that squirrel climbing your tree or a rainbow brightening the sky should be simple, right? Not always. Sometimes our eyes figure out what we are seeing just a second too late or it is simply too dark outside to see anything at all. This is constantly happening to me and I get frustrated at my lack of ability to clearly see the world around me.

The Last Time This Happened

The other day, my sister was driving the both of us home from a family function when she caught sight of two deer off to the side of the road. She asked me if I could see them. I squinted out the window trying to make out anything in the late night darkness. I was getting so angry at myself for not being able to make them out. There was no way I was going to spot those deer with my dysfunctional eyes.

I hid all this from my sister. After a few more seconds of straining my eyes to try and see something I knew I couldn’t, I gave up. Instead of admitting my shortcomings, I smiled and said I could make out the deer in the dark. She smiled and continued driving home while making light conversation. All the while I sat and nodded along. She didn’t know that I felt disappointed in myself for failing to see what my sister so easily could.

What I See Out a Window

This is just one of many examples when I missed out on a scene from nature. Whenever a bunny hops through our yard or a blue jay sits up on a branch in a tree, I can catch a blurry glimpse at best. Most of the time I will only  pretend to search for whatever my mom or dad will point out to me through a window. Then I lie that I could see it because it’s easier that way.

Sometimes, though, I do look. Most of the time when I examine the scene I get the same result, nothing. Every once in a while, though, on the rarest occasions, I will see it. Not just a blurry glimpse, either. I will really see it. When this happens to me it makes me feel proud of myself. I feel like I can finally see what everyone else can. It reminds me how desperately I want to be able to see the squirrel, bunny, or rainbow every time. That one success urges me to wish that one day I will.

If you want to read more about how I struggle to tell other about my low vision, check out my post, Suffering in Silence